180908

oh, i'm back, after quite a long period of time.

my bag of emotions is fully filled, over-flowing! what a heavy bag, it tires me easily, and thats bad, really bad.
O levels are getting closer by the seconds, and thats somehow intimidating at times. Sitting back on my seat, feeling that everything is going to come to an end so soon makes me very sentimental again. Alot of feelings had been stirred up recently, making me slightly confused with what i want.

Nowadays, academic results seem to not be as important to me as compared to previous times, but it is superficial. yes, no matter how unhappy i feel after receiving a paper, i've learnt to not reveal loud feelings. Perhaps i've seen the need to not do so. Is this part of growing up and experiencing a much more matured life?

yeah, i like the feeling of not revealing my true feelings. somehow it makes me feel more secured to know that only me myself know what i'm thinking. recently, i've grown to have this habit of not liking others to read me like a book. Its nice to have some privacy between me and myself.

It was not too long ago that yilin mentioned to me about her ''after-effects'' of xiuxian, and so naturally it reminded me of him, arghh!

till today, we're still like enemies. wouldnt strangers be better? at least we would not have to face each other so awkwardly. no speech contact, no physical contact, we're just like strangers with a tinge of hatred for each other.

sometimes i really dislike you, yet at times i do fine you ''okay''. i have been thinking of what i shoud include in my letter to my classmates for you when we all leave amkss. Definitely, i'm going to write everyone a farewell letter, a long one. And for you, theres so much i want to say and let you know, but deep down i know that when the time comes, i would not have the courage to let you know what i've been thinking all these while. Just think about it, i lost my trust for you, lost my confidence to even look at you and how am i supposed to write you a letter? maybe if i consume ''bao zi dan''.

let us be friends again? the awkward feeling is really killing me! its so hard to not notice someone. perhaps i should continue my dislike for you, for you took me as a toy and played with me as and when you liked and wanted to. you, bad guy!